In counseling, I have noticed how the change in economy has
affected society and led to a general sense of tension and stress within the
family unit.
In navigating through these times if stress when there are
constant threats of layoff, a growing unemployment rate, and overall
challenging financial situations, you have to be resourceful and make some
pretty tough decisions that affect you and your entire family. As a result, you
may be faced in dealing with the unknown.
In turn you’re dealing with your stress and your family’s stress.
So what are some of the issues in current times?
-
lay offs
-
unemployment
-
limited income
-
dual to single income
-
media
-
technology – kids compare, gets obsolete quickly, want more
-
exposure – kids may have friends whose parent has lost a job
-So how does all
this affect you?
Before I get to talking to your kids I’d like to address
self-understanding first. It’s important to address your own stress and manage
it in healthy ways. The reality check is: Who is really able to come home calm,
relaxed, and centered after a stressful day of work (or of looking for work in
some cases), or greeting your spouse after a full day of caring for your
children?
It’s important to realize your own stress and how your
thoughts and emotions affect you and your health. It’s also important to know
how the stress you carry affects your family.
One thing that’s extremely helpful is taking some deep
breaths – whether in the car, at the office, or at home, and take a moment to
re-center yourself, consciously clearing your mind before addressing any
concerns, crises, or problems that may face you at home.
When talking to your kids it’s important to take their age
in consideration. Although all children, if depressed, anxious, or sad, may
behave in different ways – either more acting-out, arguementiveness at home,
change in appetite or sleep, or being more isolated to themselves.
Now if you explain a tough financial situation to younger
kids, they may tend to blame themselves or think the worst; but they are also
least likely to understand the situation and will require simple and clear
examples (i.e., “we cant eat out as much, or go to places we used to, less trips,
and more staying at home). Older kids and teens are a little more self-centered
and need to now who to blame and how’s it going to affect their social life.
However, they are more apt to give input on creative ways of maintaining a
budget.
So what do you do with all this? Make sure you relay that
you are all in this together – that everybody will be spending less and being
more creative as a family. Get your kids’ input on creative ways of having fun.
Talk to your kids in age-appropriate ways. The best way to do this is to first
prepare what you want to say; remember to be more concrete with the younger
ones; don’t sugar-coat it with the older ones; involve them so they feel part
of the solution (sense of connectedness, self-confidence, when part of the
decision-making process); and relay a sense of reassurance and security (just
knowing will get through these tough times together).
Some other things that may help are to plan low-cost
activities, and save and plan for things and events that cost more. Another
idea is to modify some of the consequences and rewards you already have in
place for your kids. Such as, if money or things to purchase are already tied
into rewards for good behaviors or doing things around the house (i.e., good
behavior for the week gets Jr. $10), than you may want to consider a low-cost
or free activity instead. Quality time with Mom or Dad could be much more
rewarding for some kids.
Last but not least, remember to care for yourself too. This
means knowing when you need a break, distressing when you come home – before
you get in the door- to address the crises that may await you; address any
runaway thoughts (it’s real easy to get sucked-in to the media and the what-ifs
of the future) – se bring things back to focus in the here and now, and if
you’re able to, get regular exercise. A
daily walk before or after work - or
while caring for your kids all day – could be a refreshing break and a healthy
way of relieving stress. By all means, though, use the support systems you have
– call up and talk to a friend, reinvest on your faith or spirituality, and
seek counseling if you need it.
This article is about talking to your kids – but a big part
of that is taking care of your self.